Saturday September 14th 2019 seems an age ago. It was a pre-pandemic world before social distancing and lockdown, the Mango Mussolini was still US President, Callum Brooks was in charge of Dorchester, and Alan Luther was without Mutton Chops. It also marked the last time that we came from behind to win a league game as a second half Jack Hoey hat-trick would see us turn a 1-0 halftime deficit into a 3-1 win. Since then, the us falling behind and the all too frequent WhatsApp message of “one down” has been something of a death knell as we have lost just about every game we have gone behind in, salvaging only two points from losing positions this term. But after 917 days, that finally changed yesterday as we broke that particular run, secured a vital three points on the road and hauled ourselves out of the relegation places to boot, with a 2-1 victory over fellow strugglers Kings Langley.
Although only Tiago Sa and Billy Lowes remain at the club from that Hendon victory in 2019, much has sadly remained the same as we have been in and around the relegation places for what seems like several years. Has the curse placed on the club in 1994 by a local wizard, which was only halted by a Bible waving ceremony by the Reverend David Fayle, resurfaced? Do we need a parson rather than cover at centre half? Either way, our prayers were answered on a sunny afternoon in Hertfordshire as we mounted a second half comeback that scarcely looked possible at the 45 minute mark.
Following the disaster that was Merthyr at home, we had a two week break that was probably well timed as getting over that was going to take a bit of time. It gave Glenn a couple of weeks to try and lift the players ahead of what was the classic six-pointer® against ‘Lango’, as Kings Langley are nicknamed. The Merthyr debacle had seen the initial plans of a minibus of fans fall by the wayside, and some who had planned to make the trip decided there were more appetising options, such as overtime at work or potentially illness, so numbers attending the game were likely to be small. But it is an easy trip for me from South London and I was joined by my girlfriend (proving there is someone for everyone…) who was oddly keen to watch a Dorch game and see what I spend some of my spare time doing. After yesterday’s result, she might have to come more often.
The trip to the oddly named ‘Orbital Fasteners Stadium’ was a simple one for us, a straight train from Euston to Kings Langley, and a 20-25 minute walk via a couple of watering holes to the ground. It is a trip so simple that Fred, Goddard and I made a total mess of it and ended up on the wrong side of a the canal and had to get a lift to the ground. No such dramas this time as The Girlfriend and I made it to the pleasant surrounds of the Rose & Crown where a diet Pepsi and a pint of the delightful Side Pocket (for a toad) ale was quaffed as we basked in the sun. A quick wander down the road and we joined Lousie Edney, sadly minus Charlie The Dog who is a bit of an old man who frankly has better things to do on a Saturday, and we chatted about all matters DT1 including the vital question of how many toilets does a bungalow with two people living in need? The correct answer is three. Kings Langley is a typical London commuter area, with its part village, part suburb feel. A small local church was near an oddly out of place Premier Inn, and a sign advertising Christmas trees appeared as rolling hillside became new build estate.
As the clock showed half past two, we headed in the direction of the ground to see who was there and what the team was – the team showed four changes from the last game. Charlie Gunson and Yemi dropped to the bench with Michael Green and Tom Soares not in the squad, and in came Harvey Bertrand, George Calverley, Ash Wells and Tom Purrington. The latter two were returning from injury and suspension respectively. Wingbacks of Oakley and Calverley with a central three of Buckley, Wells and Bertrand was the educated guess at how we’d line up at the back, Billy and Purrington in the middle of the park, and Alfie, McGrath and Olaf as the attacking options in some sort of order. Louie Slough was also a welcome addition to the bench, the defender rejoining the club for a second loan spell from Torquay. There was also a Ryan Case in the Lango side, likely the same Ryan Case who played for us in the dying days of our final Conference South campaign. If it is indeed the same one, his time at Dorch was notable for someone believed to be his Mother being very active on the club’s online fans forum. From her posts, we appeared to have signed the non-league Cafu, so our relegation came as a bit of a shock.
It was a nervy atmosphere as kick off approached, the magnitude of the game apparent by the fact that Neil Walton (who I think I’m actually related to) from the Echo was in the ground to provide live updates. It’s rare we have a travelling journo outside a local derby, so for there to be an expenses chit to be going into the Dorset Echo finance department, it must be a rare occasion. As a ground, Kings Langley is typical non league and has what is probably one of the better playing surfaces in the division. Home to both Lango and Watford Ladies, they’ve tidied it up nicely from our first visit. They are also possibly, and mercifully, the only ground I can think of in the league with what appears to be a DJ set up. Aside from calling us Doncaster, the tannoy announcement for the owner of a car with the registration plate of ‘NE14 ABJ’ seemed very out of place. Sadly we were kicking that way first half so got subjected to that sort of witty banter for longer than I’d have liked, although some eclectic 90’s tunes did soften the blow.
The Girlfriend and I were soon joined by Pete and El Generale behind the goal as we kicked off, and we could have gone ahead inside two minutes. Good work between Billy and Olaf saw the ball flash across the face of the goal and although he stretched, Alfie couldn’t quite get on the end of it. Had he been 6’2, we’d have probably been 1-0 up. It was a nervy affair at best with both teams showing the quality, or lack thereof, that reflected their league positions. Jack Bycroft was called into action soon after as his hands were warmed by an early effort, and Harry McGrath was on hand to block an effort; unfortunately it was a shot by Alfie Stanley he inadvertently got in the way of and our chance passed.
It was somewhat attritional viewing at times, with neither side wanting to commit too much as we passed the half hour mark. After a very genteel rendition of “you’re shit ahhh” as Lango keeper, Alfie Marriott, took a goal kick, I established I was stood next to his Dad, and ended up having a chat with him and his Mother about how he’s done in his loan from Watford. It was more interesting than the game. But from seemingly nothing, we were behind after half an hour. From our angle, it looked like Callum Buckley misjudged the flight of a ball over the top, if that was not the case then I offer my apologies to Callum. What is for sure is that Bradley Wadkins had all the time and space he needed to pick his spot and put Lango 1-0 up. Optimism drained from those of us behind the goal as we all knew what going behind usually means. Annoyance was compounded by the DJ announcing that is was “Kings Langley 1-0 Doncaster.”
Bycroft had to be alert to tip a floated cross over the bar to avoid the deficit becoming two, and we finished the half well but in a most frustrating manner that summed up our season. Our first shot on target was tame but at least worked the home keeper, and some pressure did earn us two corners which we wasted in a fashion that would be comical if it wasn’t so irritating. First George Calverley hit the first defender, the cardinal sin of set pieces, with a delivery at waist height. And then, not to be outdone, Oakley seemed to side foot a corner all along the floor gently to their man at the near post. I have no doubt that neither man was trying to do so, but it was a good summary of our luck from the first 45 minutes. Maybe those short corners from a few weeks back at the way forward…
As The Girlfriend and I visited the burger van for a pleasant cheeseburger each, we were rocked by the news there was no Bovril option. Thankfully, the tea was Yorkshire and has gone in as top rated tea of the season. Our walk to the far end saw the lesser spotted Dabbs join us, and those of us assembled at that end hoped to harness the power of a good moan to power us to victory. “They just look better than us all over the pitch”, mused El Generale. Phil Standfield enquired as to whether I’d have anything to write about, and within six minutes of the restart, I had plenty of material as for the first time in 917 days, we came from behind to move into a winning position.
Less than three minutes into the half an excellent through ball from Harry McGrath would release Alfie Stanley, who had a clear run at goal. A combination of Alfie taking a bit too much time, good goalkeeping as the Lango keeper didn’t go to ground, and some quick covering defending meant Alfie somehow ended up with his back to goal and several Lango defenders between him and the goal. Not to be deterred, Alfie turned and fired a low shot between the keeper’s legs for our equaliser. It was the fast start that we needed and Alfie is now up to 10 league goals for the season, a good return with several games still to go, and when he scores, we tend to win. A matter of seconds later, we were in front.
Olaf broke into the box on the left hand side with a jinking run and although his shot was blocked, it fell perfectly for Harry McGrath to sweep home his first goal for the club and put us in the lead. The small smattering of us behind the goal were somewhere between elated and stunned at not only the turnaround but the speed of it. We were so quick that Dave Martin hadn’t even left the clubhouse by the time Harry scored the second goal. There had been no changes at the break but judging by the reaction there had been a rocket of nuclear proportions delivered by Glenn and we looked like a team transformed. The same can be said for the home side who looked shocked and totally went to pot in a manner which must be how we have looked on occasion. Their centre backs, who had been so commanding in the first half, all of a sudden looked like they’d never played together and had forgotten the basics of the game. They weren’t the only ones, as simple things became laboured for the home side. High balls were allowed to bounce, clearances sliced, simple passes missing their target, bickering and arguing amongst themselves, no communication, backpasses going out for corners. It was lovely to see.
Lango’s number 10, who had possibly won a place in the starting lineup via an online competition judging by his ability, was comically booked for dissent as he complained about the amount of time George Calverley took over a throw. Their number 2 blamed all but himself for errors such as his inability to pass to one of his own players, and one of the over hit crosses from a wide area would have threatened the railway had this been at the Avenue. We expected a late onslaught from the hosts. It never came. Changes were made as Yemi, Gunson and Symes (Ben, not Scott…) joined the fray for a clearly knackered trio of McGrath, Purrington and Olaf. Jack Bycroft took one high catch under pressure but was allowed a watching brief as the defence and midfield mopped up all the attempted attacks. Yemi coming on for the last 15 was not what Lango’s already stressed central defenders needed as he was all elbows and arse as he backed in, rolled, held up and generally pissed off the defence. His performance was neatly summed up by The Girlfriend as;
“I like how he was barrelling into people and holding their shirts. I’m pretty sure that’s a foul but he doesn’t seem to mind.”
Despite what was an agonising seven minutes of injury time, we held on comfortably to claim a vital win that lifts us above Lango and out of the relegation places. In truth, we never looked like losing once we had taken the lead.
I can’t quite put across how much better we were in the second half. We were unrecognisable. Having looked poor first half and to be honest, like we were for the drop, we turned in a performance in the second half that wasn’t just a short burst that got the two goals, it was 45 minutes of us in almost total control. To use the analogy from the previous two blogs, everyone was a five out of ten or worse in the first half, yet those same players were all at least a seven or above in the second. A man of the match is a hard one to pick as you could make a good case for it being one of about six players. McGrath was tireless, took his goal well and was a pain in the arse for the home side until he ran out of gas. Purrington on his return added class and composure, Alfie took his goal well and he and Olaf caused no end of problems. The back five were excellent and its only really Jack Bycroft who went under the radar and he was a spectator for large parts of the game. The standout for those of us there was Billy Lowes, who ran himself into the ground, in cliche terms covered every blade of grass, and was always seemingly in the right place at the right time. El Gen and I agreed that it was either Lowes or Bertrand for MOTM, and Billy probably just shades it. Respectful nods to Harvey, Ash Wells, Oaks and George Calverley, who alongside Calum Buckley, got in the way of just about everything. Well done, Billy. You win our thanks and best wishes.
The bar afterwards for our pint of gloat was enjoyable, with Pip The Dog being the star as she tried to jump up and eat the players’ food. After Pete and El Gen had headed off back towards Dorch, Keith Kellaway joined us a pleasant chat as we discussed the infamous curse of 1994 among other topics.
“My claim to fame was that me, Stuart Morgan and David Fayle went on the Ester Ranzen show to talk about the curse – I didn’t say anything so I didn’t make it on, Stuart and David did that. But I was there.”
Keith also hopes to be at Farnborough on Tuesday despite it being his 47th wedding anniversary. A search on Google informs me that the 47th wedding gift is garden or plant related. Is there a B&Q near the ground? After our drinks were finished we took a slow mooch back to the station and back to the bright city lights for a pizza and to try and recover my voice.
The picture at the bottom looks a lot better now as we leapfrogged our hosts and closed the gap to Hartley Wintney, but games don’t get any easier with the rearranged game at fourth place Farnborough on Tuesday, followed by second placed Met Police at home on Saturday. Met Police, for my money, are the best side I’ve seen us play this season, so it’ll be two tough games, and those are followed by another huge game as we head to bottom of the table Wimborne for a rather important local derby. Seven games to go and there are only cup finals now, no free hits, but with points on the board and a game in hand, the league looks a lot better now than it did pre-kickoff on Saturday. Well done to Glenn for turning it around on Saturday. Three well deserved and bloody vital points.
On the subject of cup finals, a couple of a quick respectful mentions to friends of TSOF. Firstly to our former Conference South rivals now living the league dream at Gandermonium, who we are hugely envious of as Sutton reached the Pizza Cup final and booked their day at Wembley. Enjoy it folks, I’m sure it is only a matter of time before we join you in the 92… And secondly to my old friend Chris Senior and the former Magpies at Hamworthy United. Him and Tim Sills are working wonders there and they’re building an impressive CV that will make chairmen take note if/when jobs become available they want to go for. All the best to them in their FA Vase semifinal in a couple of weeks time. But back to Dorch, roll on Tuesday – I’ll be there with a potted plant should Keith require it. SV.
Leave a Reply