“We should have bid for Haaland. Even it was a couple of hundred quid, just let them know that you’re interested.”

At various different points in the last ten years, I and many others have wondered when things will get better. Finishing bottom of the Conference South; survival battles as a regular occurrence; a last day escape; a reprieve from certain relegation due to a deadly global pandemic; and two half seasons which promised much but ultimately delivered bottom half finishes. Well, there were green shoots of recovery and the hope that we can kick on as we beat Harrow at the weekend with what was comfortably our best all-round performance of the season, keeping us in touch with sides around us, with the first clean sheet in almost a year, and a strike that will take some beating for goal of the season.

After four straight defeats, our thoroughly deserved win at Swindon seemed a very long time ago. There hadn’t been much to inspire in those four games as we lost not only the games, but also our goalkeeper, Adam Forster, to a freak shoulder injury in the loss at Chesham. Adam’s injury is a serious one and we wish him a speedy recovery, the link to the GoFundMe for his efforts to have the rather intricate operation he needs privately rather than endure a year plus wait on the NHS can be found here.

https://www.gofundme.com/f/adam-forster-get-his-shoulder-surgery?utm_campaign=p_cp+share-sheet&utm_medium=sms&utm_source=customer

We were actually doing okay in the Chesham game until the injury, before drifting to a 2-0 loss that ended with Will Spetch in goal wearing Chesham’s spare keepers’ jersey. The Poole game I mercifully missed on Boxing Day as we lost 2-1 and missed a last minute penalty to salvage a point, but I sadly did attend the 4-2 loss at home to Hungerford. We actually looked okay for the first 30 minutes and missed a couple of excellent chances. We inevitably went 1-0 down with individual errors at the heart of that, which became 2-0 before half time and for nearly everyone watching, that was game over. Unfortunately, we were all proved right. By the time debutant Harvey Hughes curled in a brilliant freekick, we’d already conceded a third, and when Lewis Waterfield lashed in our second it was only a consolation as time was just about up and 4-2 was how it finished. There were no saving graces, no positives. We looked unbalanced, were outplayed, and ended the day in the relegation places. Fast forward seven days to Harrow and you wouldn’t know it was the same side.

Despite being easy to get to by national rail, Harrow is apparently a bit of a pig to get to on the Underground by London standards, and JP and I soon found this out as we were finishing our breakfast. The planned route from Marylebone to Northolt Park was out of action due to a signal failure, so as we saw off the remains of our enjoyable and very healthy fry ups, we plotted the best route from Peckham to Harrow. This was one that would take us via Baker St and we headed to the delightful surrounds of the Barley Mow.

This was JP’s first Dorch game of the season, having watched us in a better than it sounds 0-0 at Hendon last term. Telling JP the tale of the tape for the Harrow game made it sound like I was trying to put him off watching it as it was two of the worst sides in terms of form and league placing facing off in a game neither could afford to lose. This conversation took up a large part of our game of ‘around the world’ on the dart board, but that was no issue as it’s quite possible that Christopher Columbus was quicker round the actual world than we were around the board.

Darts and pints finished, it was time to head to the tube and take a trip to Harrow on the Hill and to the flat roof murder pub that is Harrow’s wonderfully old school clubhouse. To complete the final leg of this journey from station to ground, we elected to take an Uber rather than the bus and our driver, Mohammad, made our journey a very entertaining one. His opening gambit of;

“Where are you guys going? Harrow Borough FC? What the fuck are you going there for? I didn’t think I’d ever be getting Harrow fans in my taxi.”

“Not quite mate, we’re Dorchester fans.”

“Dorchester? That’s even fucking worse!”

We soon found out he was a Wycombe fan with a very dry sense of humour, telling us that they had played Chelsea in the League Cup once and haven’t played them again simply as they haven’t felt the need to. Same with Liverpool who just don’t want to come to Adams Park out of fear. What league are Wycombe in? It doesn’t matter what league Wycombe are in! You can’t judge success by leagues and scores, which sounds a lot like something Jody Rivers might have come up with. His most insightful views came on the Chairboys’ American ownership and their investment in the club. Their chairman once took an Uber with Mohammad as his driver as it gave our man time to ask the hard-hitting questions.

“When are you going to put your hand in your pocket and get some players in?”

“We have?”

“When?! I’ve not seen it! We should have bid for Haaland. Even it was a couple of hundred quid, just let them know that you’re interested. Just say we’re in for Mbappe, get some press, you don’t have to sign him.”

It is easy to see why Mohammed might have been disappointed with the signing of Lyle Taylor on a free when he has such lofty ambitions. He’d have even offered to act as driver for Haaland, had he signed. As long as Haaland was happy being driven around in a Hyundai TUCSON plug in hybrid.

We arrived at our destination soon after and after the easiest five-star review and tip combo JP had ever had to give to an Uber driver, and a bargain £6 entry with my Blue Light Card, we headed to the bar and stepped back in time as we entered the clubhouse of the Earlsmead Stadium. The whole place is a throwback and I quite like it. Two small stands on either side and open terracing at either end make for a simple ground, but this is much better than the flat pack leisure centres that we tend to spend a fair bit of time at these days. The old-fashioned tea bar, cash only and with an excellent line in bread pudding, is as non-league as it comes; the re-purposed front doors of someone’s house that are used for the toilets complete the package. The bar itself is one that probably hasn’t changed for many a year with its carpeted floors and furniture that will outlive all of us. Curiously, the main bar was only in use for fans until 3pm as someone had a wedding, and the second bar, which I had no idea existed, wasn’t in use due to a birthday party. It turns out there is a third bar which was our shelter at half and full time, but fair play to anyone having a wedding reception at a non-league ground at kick off time.

The bar wasn’t exactly heaving, but most of what was in there were Dorch fans. Bargey had made the trip with a car full, there were the usual faces from the coach, and a good smattering of exiles soon joined, but there wasn’t much in the way of home fans. JP and I grabbed a drink and Eames, making his first appearance of the season, and Jonesy, bravely returning for his second after the Hendon loss, also braved the cold. Eames only lives a ten-minute drive away, but he elected for the 45-minute trek on public transport as watching us sober was too risky a move. As the latecomers grabbed their choice of refreshments, we looked over the team news and there were three changes from the Hungerford loss. Drew Eccott-Young, Jordan Ngalo and new man Marcus Daws came in, Leighton and Shaq dropped to the bench and Tyrique Clarke didn’t feature at all.

The side just at a glance looked much more balanced than for the previous game. Drew came in at right back, with JD moving to a more advanced position in front of him. Ngalo was a straight swap for Clarke and Daws took the role Shaq had in the last game on the left. Daws was a signing that caught most by surprise but even before we’d seen him play, he seemed like a very good acquisition. Poole fans who had seen him last season were full of praise as was Tom Killick, and you don’t play for Northern Ireland under 21’s without having something about you. We were intrigued to see how he’d do but more important was the game itself, and it was clear that we really couldn’t afford to lose. Predictions varied from a lifeless 0-0, to a disappointing loss, but Jonesy had decided we were winning, and we were all in favour of that. We headed out with plastic pint glasses in hand and took up residence behind the goal at the far end on the terrace, Steve Dodge having to stand as well but not with us – there was not enough room on the bench for him with a full complement of subs and staff. Although, as he told me, he’s old school so prefers to stand when watching football.

We started brightly with plenty of possession without creating any chances of note aside from a couple of off target sighters from Fletch and Spetch. Harrow came more into the game, but Jameson Horlick looked very comfortable when called up to deal with a couple of crosses into his area. His distribution out of his hands was very useful in getting us quickly up the pitch as both JD and Daws benefitted from a quick throw to have a run at the home defence. Spetch made a good block from a goal bound shot as Harrow tried to make something happen, but it was us who finished the half strongest. Olaf was unable to get the ball out of his feet after Jameson’s excellent throw had set Daws away to cut the ball back to him, Fletcher’s slightly heavy touch gave home keeper Tyler Tobin a chance to intercept a possible opening, and the half ended with JD forcing the first real save of the match from Tobin who was able to shovel his effort at the back post wide after Daws’ excellent cross. 0-0 at halftime and a far better half of football than it sounds, as we made our way around to the back bar.

The back bar was easily found, although access was a slight issue due to someone parking so close to the entrance that had they been any closer, the airbags would have been set off by the door opening with any force. Another round was purchased – the Carling was so lively that JP could have done with a flake in his – and the first half debrief got underway. The consensus was that the game was ours for the taking and that if we got the first goal, we’d win. The problem would be getting that goal, and both Eames and I were very wary of seeing us go in 0-0 at halftime, thinking we could win here, before going behind and eventually losing 2-0 with a whimper. But as Jonesy had proclaimed pre-game, we were winning here today, and we headed out for the second half to see what that would bring, careful not to smash into the bumper of the car by the doors.

We picked up where we left off before halftime with a trademark run from JD seeing him fire a shot wide of the far post, Olaf bringing a save diving to his right from Tobin, and Tobin denying that same man once again as he was alert to Olaf’s attempted chipped finish. The Harrow keeper was having a decent game even if their kit man wasn’t – Tobin was wearing a kit that should have been all one colour, but they obviously couldn’t find the socks and shorts to match the top, so a similar shade had to do. It was all us and it felt a matter of time before we took the lead, but no one expected the goal to arrive in the style it did.

An hour in and a rare Harrow attack broke down and Corby Moore travelled towards halfway before playing the ball into Will Fletcher. Fletch was only just inside the Harrow half when he received the ball and as he tried to head towards goal the home defence tried to show him wide. He was probably some 30-35 yards out and hardly seemed to take much of a look up before chipping the ball goalwards. I am/was a goalkeeper of no particular repute, and if there’s one thing I can speak from experience of when it comes to keeping is the feeling of utter dread when you’re stood in a perfectly normal position and a strike like that comes towards you. You’re fully aware you’re in serious trouble and there is next to nothing you can do other than backpedal and hope. This is what the home keeper did, and his flailing arms weren’t near enough to make the save as the ball nestled in the back of the net for 1-0.

https://twitter.com/DorchTownFC/status/1746661136685044184?t=QLaswkIV-uxPcHIf5sXXxQ&s=19

Fletch ran to celebrate with the fans and it was certainly a goal worth crowing about. Its possibly the best Dorch goal I’ve seen live having missed out on a few notable ones in the past. I have seen Justin Keeler score a few stunners from seemingly impossible angles, but the quality of this one was obscene as well as being very important. The second goal came shortly after on 67 minutes, as Daws and Fletcher combined down the left. The latter’s cross was cleared only as far as the former, and Daws finished brilliantly from six yards, across the keeper and in for 2-0 and a much-needed cushion. It’s rare that we make our advantage count in situations like this, but we fully deserved our lead and truth be told, we never looked like surrendering it. Sub Lewis Waterfield had a header flash just wide, but soon after when the fulltime whistle blew, we’d got a vital three points and the first clean sheet in almost a year, both thoroughly deserved.

https://twitter.com/DorchTownFC/status/1746666076337815618?t=3Z6pqOjFJR46PrOcw_eJsQ&s=19

There was no mass scene of jubilation at the end; lots of smiles but more of a feeling of relief and job well done than anything major being achieved. The clean sheet had been a long time coming and never really looked under threat. I was quite critical of the keeper and the back four against Hungerford, but they didn’t put a foot wrong all game here. Horlick was calm and assured with what little he had to do, his catching and distribution both being very good. The central pairing of Ieuan Turner and Will Spetch won everything in the air and with our possession and Harrow’s style of play, they didn’t have to do too much more. Out wide we were a lot more balanced with Drew playing behind JD and Ollie Haste playing behind Marcus Daws, having looked a bit attack heavy the week prior, and Jordan Ngalo being back fit is massive for us; he is always sorely missed, and his absence really showed last week. He and Corby Moore never seemed too troubled and controlling the middle usually means you control the game. Up top, Olaf and Fletch made a strong case for them being the first-choice pairing moving forward, which is incredibly harsh on Shaq, but to change anything for the next game without need would be daft. It is comfortably the best all round performance of the season, and although the wins at Poole and Swindon have their own merits, this was a very professional job.

After a few hard-earned pints of gloat, a chat with a few of those involved, and an unsuccessful go on the raffle, Eames headed off and Jonesy, JP and I headed to Highgate for further refreshment and a three course McDonalds in Highgate before taking the tube back South and home. It had been a successful day for all involved with the points, the clean sheet, and seeing a Dorch game that wasn’t woeful or in even worse weather for those who were there. Even the flag that we thought had perished on the Met line heading out to Chesham has resurfaced, having been posted back to the club as no one in their right mind would want to nick it. The win doesn’t move us out of the relegation places, but it does keep us right in touch with those above us with only two points separating us in 20th and Plymouth Parkway in 16th. With a game(s) in hand on some and fixtures to play against those around us, a nice little run and moving clear would be ideal and based on Saturday we’re certainly capable of doing that. Hopefully we can turn this into a purple patch – the last win prior to this was the Swindon game which we failed to build on, so here’s hoping this isn’t another false dawn.

Merthyr on Saturday is the next task and despite them sitting in third place they lost at the weekend to Beaconsfield who were directly above us at the weekend, so hopefully we can avenge the two losses we suffered there in the league and the FA Trophy this season. My next game is at Totton on the Tuesday after, as long as the South has suitably thawed by then. I plan on heading that way by train, but if you see Erling Haaland arriving to games in a Hyundai TUCSON plug in hybrid, expect him to start tearing it up in League One. SV.

2 responses to ““We should have bid for Haaland. Even it was a couple of hundred quid, just let them know that you’re interested.””

  1. Alan Avatar
    Alan

    Quality read that.. Up the Magpies!!

  2. Michael Biles Avatar
    Michael Biles

    Another excellent report, I find the food and travel items as good as the actual football bits. Keep up the good work.

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