Sir Alex Ferguson’s Manchester United were undoubtedly the best side in English club football during the 1990’s. Then came Wenger’s Arsenal and Mourinho’s Chelsea in the early 2000’s. Following them, new incarnations of United, Arsenal, Chelsea and Man City laid claim to being the best, before Klopp’s Liverpool and, most recently, Pep’s Man City have been the best club side in the land. Well, between nine o’clock and about a quarter past on Tuesday night, Tommy Killick’s Dorch morphed into the best side in the land as Sholing were blown away in the type of spell after halftime which I’ve only ever seen Dorch on the wrong end of, as we cantered to a 5-1 win.
After Saturday’s slightly disappointing draw at Marlow, Tuesday night gave the team the ideal opportunity to get back to winning ways and continue our excellent start to the season that has seen us only lose one league game. As is now par for the course, a good few planned on making the trip into the wrong half of Hampshire, so Buik Gargoyle Tours was once again in business as Ant sourced the minibus and a half 5 departure from Copper Street was agreed.
Having had a hospital appointment in the early afternoon for my perennially broken fingers, I’d planned to get to the brewery at around 4 to half past or so, and partake in a couple of light ales. I thought I’d broken my finger playing cricket in late August, and the X-ray seemed to confirm it. Sadly, the specialist who looked at the X-ray diagnosed a break from 2015, and what I’d actually done was ligament damage on the other side of the finger. So, after my quick appointment turned into more X-rays and another follow up lasting two hours, I got to Copper Street just after five and in need of a beer.
Not only was I able to have a beer, but I also was able to take the new delivery of stickers from El Gen, as well as accepting custody of an array of flags. One flag is actually the one that should go up the flagpole at the club, so how we’ve ended up with that is anyone’s guess. But the stickers look excellent – should you want some, find me on Saturday and I’ll probably have a few in my pockets. It wasn’t long before Buik, still in his Wurzel Jack Grealish phase with his stylish hair, arrived in the battle bus and we made our way onto the Sunninghill Shuttle. The rear axles were given a severe test as Watkins, TC and Brendan sat at three of the four back seats, but thankfully all four wheels remained on the ground as we set off for bandit country.
There is always the risk of traffic and roadwork causing delays, but we were a bit shocked that the traffic for Sholing away was stretching back to the Puddletown bypass. Turns out someone blew a tire and veered off the road and left onto the trees, but thankfully there were no casualties. One concerned fan feared it was Buik in the bus that had the accident but if there’s one thing Ant would never do, its veer hard to the left. After this minor early delay, and another brief stop for Drew and TC to have a piss, which may have also been as early as the Puddletown bypass, we started to head at normal speed. However, not everyone was as fortunate.
It turns out the club minibus that wasn’t carrying any players but did have fans, staff, and, rather importantly, the away kit on board had broken down near Rownhams services and was now stuck on the side of the road. With there being reports of traffic jams ahead of that, this wasn’t ideal. Pulling over at the roadside in front of the immobile bus, we collected Kate and Del Taylor for our two spare seats, and found out that the kit and coaches had already been picked up by a passing player. This left a rear-guard of four with the bus awaiting recovery. Kate took a seat near the front with Jack, Del had to breathe in as he took his place at the rear as he slotted in the middle of a back four of Brendan, Watkins and TC. That backline won’t lose many physical battles, but there’s not much pace out wide.
The journey was slow going from there. Not just because of the combined weight of the cargo meaning the bus couldn’t have gone over 50mph unless you pushed it off a cliff, but the traffic had become horrendous. With the players travelling by cars and not coach, some had arrived at the ground; others were still stuck in the jams. Judging by the phone conversation taking place, it sounded like the ref was reluctant to delay the kick off, but with the kit still not there as well as some of the squad, there wasn’t much choice. Eventually, the ref agreed, and kick off was put back to 8pm.
We arrived well ahead of the revised KO time, and were surprised to see a lot of people queuing to get in, and a very full car park/wet and muddy field. Team news soon followed our arrival and we showed two changes from Marlow as Jordan Ngalo and Wes Fogden came in for the benched Matt Buse and Marcus Daws. Apparently the ground has had a bit of an overhaul since our trip there last season with a big marquee now in situ and other numerous improvements have been made, and the pitch looked in excellent nick. Sadly, the ground is still in Southampton. As we got a beer from the new bar, we saw Matt Le Tissier sat in the corner who had obviously taken time out of his busy schedule of spouting conspiracy theories and playing golf to watch the Magpies. Le Tissier is an associate director at Sholing, or maybe that’s just what the media want you to think. Either way, he was there, and I assume he’d come for the Magpies.
It wasn’t a great night weather wise with a crosswind and an ever increasing amount of rain making it difficult to play in and not much fun to watch. We kicked off and attacked the open end as Bargey and I tried and utterly failed to try and find somewhere to hang the flags, but we stopped looking pretty quickly as we went 1-0 up after only four minutes. A Corby Moore corner was only cleared as far as Corby himself, and his cross back in found Hastey who looped a header into the far corner from about twelve yards out. I say header, it was quite possible that there was some back and/or shoulder involved. One thing is for sure and that is that it went in.
From that point on, I wouldn’t say the game was crap, but it certainly wasn’t much better. Conditions played their part but neither side seemed to be able to string anything together with the ball picking up some air miles, and the middle of the park seeing much of the attempted play. The highlight of the next half hour was definitely my chips, cheese and curry sauce. The undoubted lowlight was what looked like a serious injury to Sholing’s Jacob Gardiner-Smith who went down in a heap as he landed awkwardly after trying to control a ball in. When he went down there were some shouts along the lines of “get the fuck up” from behind the goal, but they soon stopped when it became apparent he was in serious pain. He was stretchered off and applauded by all, we wish him a speedy recovery from what looked like a nasty injury.
When play resumed so did the midfield battle, and Sholing equalised soon after. A corner from their right was put in and it looked like from a distance that Gez possibly got done by the wind holding up the ball as he failed to claim it cleanly. Dan Fitchett poked in the loose ball and we had a level game. It didn’t feel like the equaliser had been coming, nor did it feel undeserved, but it did seem to liven us up a bit as we ended the half a bit stronger with Shaq drawing a good low save from Ross Worner in the Sholing goal, and either Wes or Olaf saw a rising drive clip the bar and go over the top, I was cleaning my glasses at the time so haven’t a fucking clue.
The halftime whistle came soon after and as we headed inside for some warmth and cover, I had a chat with Jimmer about our thoughts on the 45 we’d just seen and what was to come. Neither of us thought it was an especially good game, and we both thought that the team who played the conditions better would be the winners. Crosses into the box and make the keeper and defence work hard with this wind and rain. Turns out we know fuck all, as the spell we produced after halftime to completely kill the game owed jackshit to the weather.
The second half wasn’t even a minute old when we restored our lead, and we did it in some style. Some decent work down the right hand side fed Olaf, his first touch took him to the right side of the penalty area and he then unleashed an unsavable dipping strike that found the far corner of the net. We hadn’t even got behind the goal yet and were still walking around and in line with the penalty area ourselves. The movement on the ball was incredible and Olaf had his eighth of the season, which already equalled his total from last season.
Not all our fans had made it behind the goal yet when we scored our third. It was another goal from that right hand side, this time a wicked ball in from Ngalo was headed in by a diving Luke Pardoe for his second of the season. This was potentially the first diving header scored by a Dorchester player since Tony Diaz at Cheltenham in about 1994, and not only did it give us some breathing space, it seemed to really knock Sholing as there was finger pointing and shouting a plenty at the back. But, if the third goal didn’t break their spirit, the fourth did.
More lovely play down the right-hand side followed with Ngalo again involved as he and Fogden played keep ball for a while before the latter fed Olaf, who belted a low and hard strike that went through Worner’s legs and in. 4-1, a brilliant goal, and that was game over. The players celebrated right in front of us for the third time in ten minutes and the game was won. I know we were playing in yellow, but no one was expecting 1970 Brazil to turn up. Fair play to Kieran Knight as well who appeared not to spill a drop of his two pints in the celebrations, no mean feat that.
The celebrations behind the goal continued for the remainder of the game as the 70 or so of us made some noise and enjoyed the feeling of being in total control and not really having to worry too much. Sholing’s manager, Paul Doswell, looked like he received a red card, probably for the offence of being Paul Doswell, and it was good to see Mad Maurice back in with the away fans and looking well after his recent Twitter sabbatical. I’m sure him and Animal were burning the midnight oil celebrating this one.
With the game all but done with 35 minutes still to play, things understandably slowed down as Sholing tried to shut up shop and we made some changes. Robinson and Buse replaced Shaq and Fogden, and despite a couple of chances going begging, we placed the proverbial cherry on the cake with a couple of minutes left as Olaf completed his hat-trick. He was set away just past halfway after a ball out from the back, rounded the keeper and looked for a moment like the chance was gone, cut back in on his right foot and found the bottom corner for 5-1 to complete his hat-trick and the rout. Olaf becomes the first player since Olaf last season against Merthyr to score three in a game for us, and with the form he’s in, I wouldn’t rule out another soon. Olaf’s ten goals this season have bettered his tally for last term, and he now has more league goals than Poole.
The full-time whistle blew moments after Olaf had been replaced, and as the players and fans celebrated, Phil Standfield saw an opportunity for a photo. Sholing don’t allow photographers pitchside, so Phil had to mount the advertising hoardings. This resulting in him taking a tumble like he’d been eliminated from the Royal Rumble, but the photos he got made it worth the trip. It was a hell of a performance and I doubt we’ll produce many better spells than that ten minutes after halftime. Matt Le Tissier must think we’re an attacking force of nature as he’s seen us twice, this game and the 4-4 at Totton, and seen us score nine times. And, to be fair, that’s far more sensible than some of the things he believes.
Man of the match was rightly Olaf, but I thought that Pards, Ngalo and Fogden were all worth mentioning as well. Jordan looked like a man with a point to prove after his enforced absence recently, it was Wes’ best game since returning to the club as he and Jordan really ran the show for parts of the second half, and Pards has had an excellent season and deserved his goal. He’s gone a touch under the radar for some, but he’s always a threat going forward, has provided some very competent defensive cover, and chipped in with a couple of important goals already. He’s as important as anyone to the side at the moment in what’s a very strong squad. We’ve got one of the best defences and one of the most prolific attacks – every game feels like an event at the moment and long may that continue.
We made tracks for the exits and Jon and Fin Crane congratulated the young group of Sholing lads on the noise they made during the game. There is something quintessentially non-league about having a load of 13 year olds flick the V’s and give the wanker signs to the opposition fans, and they were all harmless and made a bit of atmosphere even when losing. They looked made up when Jon and Fin told them they’d done well. And they say you should never meet your heroes. But once we were back to the bus and we shuffled the seating arrangement so Del could breathe, we made tracks for home.
It wasn’t the most direct route as we went on a bit of a detour via Cheselbourne to Melcombe Bingham, with those extra miles proving too much for Drewster as he risked getting trenchfoot for a country roadside piss, but once that detour had come to a phenomenal end and Buik worked out where the fuck we were and where we needed to go, I took the short walk home and gladly headed to bed.
Saturday sees us back at home and the flags have been washed and dried for whenever their next appearance will be. I’m already looking to the Hanwell game at the weekend as Dorch games have become a highlight rather than a chore. Having popped down the ground to see the under 23’s and spoken to Sam and Simon Evans, there is lots to look forward to coming up at the ground, and it sounds like The Bovril will be the place be. More info on on a potential link with Bovril can be found here;
https://www.facebook.com/share/v/GrBMPqYW1a1RDGzR/
Get involved with the promotion and get some lovely beefy drink as well. Up The Magpies – if Hanwell get stuck in traffic and say the kick off needs putting back, check nearby car parks and laybys, you never know what’s lurking there. SV.
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