After the relegation of Hayes & Yeading last season, I had hoped we’d seen the last of clubs comprised of two shit places no one liked who merged to form one horrendous super club, but no. Havant & Waterlooville fell through the Conference South trapdoor and H&Y had been replaced in a like-for-like manner. I must preface this by saying I have no particular axe to grind with Havant as such, but it’s not a place many look forward to visiting. My Dad, a man who knew a fair bit on this particular subject, described the Leigh Park area of Havant as “the biggest fucking open prison in the country”, so this wasn’t going to be an away day with the charm of a Marlow or a Chertsey. That said, we’re on a good run and after picking up 10 points from the available 12 from games with home wins over Tiverton, Basingstoke and Winchester, with a point at Poole being the only slight misstep, a game between 5th and 4th was an attractive prospect, even if Westleigh Park was the location.
As with most away trips, the travel wasn’t as straightforward as we’d hoped. The original plans to board the Sunninghill Shuttle were plunged into chaos with Buik still suffering from the Soplica virus he contracted on Boxing Day, and although the train seemed reasonable, the £32 a head cost wasn’t especially appealing to me given the proximity to Christmas. Thankfully, Jakub of the Polish Magpies contingent was driving up and had space, so he came to the rescue and it was with him in his massive fucking motor that I travelled.
On the topic of being rescued, it was only weeks ago that Dorset & Wiltshire Fire and Rescue were on South Street with multiple appliances and some 50 odd firefighters as they attempted to tackle the blaze that engulfed the Gorge. Well, it was only one engine in attendance this time as another local institution came under threat, this time it was Ash Jury that was in peril as he locked himself in the toilets at Costa. After the jaws of life were used to prize open the misbehaving door, our hero emerged, just over an hour after he’d gone for what would turn out to be the longest piss of his life. Mercifully for all involved, this story was immediately shared on social media, probably while Ash was still locked in, and Ash’s wish for this not to be relayed to local firefighter and Magpies fan, Foxy, was of course totally ignored. All’s well that ends well – the town would have crumbled had we lost both the Gorge and Jury in such a short space of time.
Back to all things Havant and as Jakub arrived to pick me up in a gargantuan Nissan Navara which looked like you could harvest a field with, we headed off in the direction of Hampshire and discussed all manner of things from current DTFC happenings, the Soplica virus, how his brother wasn’t going to the game as he had got grounded for not helping on the farm, Polish domestic football and the ultras violence that goes with it, and farming machinery. My spell as the overseas player for both Cheselbourne and Dewlish meant I know more about farming than I probably should; my knowledge on Polish football violence has definitely been expanded. Tales of pyro that would make the Gorge blush, rival sets of fans seeing each other on the motorway and duly stopping, having a massive punch-up and blocking the entire road, stolen flags, the list goes on. The only thing I can compare it to is when the youth firms of Poole and Basingstoke do battle at the Dolphin Centre in a couple of weeks.
The journey into the blue half of Hants was progressing nicely and I got a message from Tropicana enthusiast, Havant goalkeeping coach, and self-proclaimed possessor of the best half volley in the Southern League, AWH, telling me he’d left me two tickets on the gate in the name of ‘Graham Kemp’. A name that still sends a chill down the spine of many Dorch fans. The team news came in just as we arrived and we showed only the one change as Wes came back in for Dawsy, and after a quick pint with a few of the other travelling ‘pies at the adjoining pub, we headed into the ground. The ground itself is very tidy for one at this level, and with a 3G pitch now in place it is level rather than sloped. It has been a good 12 plus years since my last visit but one name who remained from that previous visit was Hawks man Nigel Atangana. He had absolutely torn us apart that day, and after over a decade away and 210 odd football league games, he’s back at Havant. I also saw him partner Wes Fogden in midfield for Pompey on a few occasions and much like when I saw ex-Pompey man Danny Hollands play for Gosport this season, I did feel quite old.
Pint acquired and with the teams changing ends at the toss, we trotted up to the far end, hung the flags and settled in for a cold 45 minutes. Once again, the number of away fans was decent enough with somewhere in the region of 40-50 of us there, including a good few of the new generation of youngsters, and the start to the game was a pretty even one. Corby Moore tested Hawks gloveman Ben Dudzinski’s handling with an effort from range that the latter was equal to, and the home side looked dangerous going forward with right-back Devante Stanley catching the eye with his running. A couple of good bits of defensive work from JD and Spetch kept the Hawks at bay, and Gez had to be alert to repel a Stanley effort with his legs as the game opened up a bit as Havant pressed. It was just before the half hour mark that the next chance for either side came, and it was one we were able to convert to take the lead.
Good work from Olaf down the right saw him work the ball back to Pards, and his low ball in was expertly dummied/totally missed by Wes’ attempted back heel. It mattered not as Shaq was following in and had the simple task of knocking the ball into the empty net from all of a couple of yards. Dudzinski was not a happy man and went pretty much full Cairney, although I should stress this means pointless complaints to the lino rather than retweeting conspiracy theories, Andrew Tate and Elon Musk on Twitter. Although if Ben starts arguing with Rafa Ramos next, he may well be beyond help.
The goal seemed to settle us a bit and the next two shots on target came from us as Olaf saw his freekick from a good position centrally saved, and with the half nearing its end we really should have made it 2-0. Shaq picked up the ball in the centre of the park and broke forward, and with the defenders back peddling, he slipped in Olaf to his right. Although maybe a touch wider than he’d have wanted to be, Olaf should really have done better as he blasted his effort straight at a grateful Dudzinski who gathered and the chance was gone. As is always the case with these sorts of things, we were made to pay soon after.
With halftime fast approaching, Atangana showed his quality as his deft through ball with the outside of his right boot found Ryan Seager, and his first time finish found the bottom corner. High class pass and a finish to match, fair play. The interval followed seconds later and we were left to curse what might have been, but at 1-1 there was all to play for as we mooched to the other end. The 45 minutes that followed were slightly strange. Not to say that both sides were content with a draw and played like it, more that neither team seemed particularly keen to force a winner/didn’t want to lose.
We had a reasonable shout for a penalty turned down a couple of minutes in as the ball struck a Havant hand in the area. But using the usual rule of thumb of ‘how would I feel if it were given against us’, I worked out quickly I’d be fucking livid and that it was never a pen. Seager sent a half-volley into space when well placed, Shaq struck the face of the bar (albeit from an offside position), Pards shot wide and Olaf saw a free-kick well saved, and both sides saw several corners and good positions come to nothing in what wasn’t an attritional half, but it won’t live long in the memory. We almost got a kick in the teeth as the clock ticked towards 90, but Spetchy was well placed to clear away a goal-bound effort, and as the full-time whistle sounded, most seemed in agreement that 1-1 was a fair result.
It was definitely a better point for us than Havant, and was one that kept us in fourth position. It was a decent performance with Shaq being the standout. His all around game seems to have gone up a level in the past few weeks and his two goals in as many games is the standout fact, but his work all over has been very good. Against both Winch and Havant he’s defended from the front, tracking back and following runners, and giving the opposition defence a real tough afternoon. Hopefully the Malawi FA read their Facebook notifications as the Malawian branch of the Magpies Supporters Club want Shaq in their next international squad. Can’t blame them at the moment, he’s a man in form.
The post-match debrief was relatively short before we headed off. I said a quick hello to the suspended Harvey Bradbury who made full use of the fact he wasn’t playing to sit down and have first go at the post-match pizzas before his teammates were out the changing room, and Tommy looked utterly bemused by the prize draw that was taking place which involved a bag of snooker balls. But it was soon back into Jakub’s tractor for the trip home, and I was comfortably back in time do some serious harm to a hugely oversized pizza I got in town. The name ‘Mega Pizza’ should have been a giveaway, but I got at least a couple of meals out of it.
Next up is Merthyr away, and if you fancy it and haven’t booked on the supporters coach yet, get on it. The Luth booked his spot during the game on Saturday, booking one seat for himself, and one for each sideburn. Last Dorch game I saw Luth at, he had an RAF style flying jacket on in the bar after the Basingstoke game. When he left I wasn’t sure if he was heading to the Convivial Rabbit for a pint, or was off to bomb Dresden. But with an eye on the game, it is one that I’d gladly take a point in as I type now, but there is no-one we should fear. We’re capable of beating anyone and based on the 2-2 draw at home, it should be a hell of a game. Merthyr is a cracking ground and it’s always good to have a beer and a chat with their fans. Hopefully it’s a decent game and we leave with a positive result.
Until that point, Up The Fucking Magpies, and remember, always check the locks on the toilet doors at Costa, you don’t want to be the subject of that 999 call. SV.
