Those who know me will be well aware of the fact I’m not really known for my rational choices and decisions. I chose to pursue a career in the prison service and in four years as a screw at Pentonville I managed to find myself in situations where I’d get hit in the face with a kettle, body slam a midget, almost dislocate my elbow trying to stop a man shoving a mobile phone up his arse as well as getting bitten by same said con, and many more tales that now seem like some bizarre outer body experience. In my favoured sports of cricket and football I’ve suffered concussions, broken bones, and had stitches to close up wounds that have come where I’ve inadvertently headed a cricket ball, and in life I’ve done reasonably well just to be here writing this blog after some of the more peculiar things that have happened to me. But none of my choices that have ended up endangering my own safety seemed as absolutely mental as the one I made on Saturday as I decided to go back to Bolitho Fucking Park on Saturday to watch Dorch at Plymouth Parkway.
If you’ve not worked it out already, I fucking despise visiting Plymouth Parkway’s ground, and it is a feeling shared by more than a few other Dorch fans. Four visits there to play Parkway have been rewarded with an aggregate loss of 12-0 across those games. Truro ground shared there for a couple of seasons, and we went there twice. Combined score? Truro 5-0 Dorchester. So, 17-0 over six games including red cards, arguments, late postponements, balls getting stuck in nearby trees, and the curious sight of Kieran Douglas playing in goal for well over an hour. This was one away game that no-one was looking forward to. Some were so keen to avoid it that when the fixtures came out, they booked a holiday. So, while I and the others went to get on the coach at 1030 on Saturday morning, Bargey and co were nursing what I’d imagine were monstrous hangovers having watched Viktoria Koln beat Aachen 3-1 on the Friday night, and Craner was over in Amsterdam.
But, if there is one Dorch side who can end any bad run, it’s this one. Having had our last away game at Hanwell postponed due to what was called a waterlogged pitch but was actually a muddy corner, the trip to Parkway gave us the chance to break the Bolitho Park Curse and get our second away win of the season. Last weekend’s very patient performance and 4-1 win against a resolute Swindon side kept us in 4th spot and saw the welcome return to form of Marcus Daws, who won a penalty and scored two to help turn one point into three, and we came into the game on a 16 match unbeaten run, with six wins in those last ten games. Usually when Dorch sides have been consistent, it has been as we’re on long runs without wins, so this is a very pleasant change.
The coach left pretty much on time and off we rolled towards Plymouth. There were about 15 fans and directors on board, most of whom had experienced the sorrows of an away day at Parkway before, but the main concern as we travelled was the weather, which was fucking awful. The further we went, the more games in that region that got called off, but Parkway hadn’t mentioned any potential pitch inspection. In reality, the game wasn’t ever in doubt, but if there was one place we’d travel to before the game gets called off at 2 o’clock, it’s Plymouth.
Exeter services was the stop off en route and I had a chat with Dodge about any team news and all things Greggs sausage rolls. Two things came from this chat. Firstly, Dodge has discovered he absolutely hates vegan sausage rolls after he got himself one by accident, and vowed never to buy one again. And secondly, that Gez is almost back to full fitness and should be back at 100% by the time Harry Lee’s loan expires. Gez has managed to procure himself a pair of the four-fingered gloves that Aaron Ramsdale has recently worn after his finger injures, so hopefully the massive glove and a splint should keep him from further injury. Although Gez won’t have minded spending time in the treatment room, part of his negotiations with the club to finalise his transfer from over the hill involved a dartboard being put up in the physio room. So not only is he almost back match-fit, he’s probably added 10 points onto his three dart average. Dodge and I’s conversation ended soon after as he had to sacrifice his principals and buy Richard Bayley a vegan sausage roll, although the cream cake Dodge got himself for ‘the way home’ might not have made it out of the services.
The remainder of the journey was uneventful and we arrived at the ground in good time, the squad and staff walking in with kit, drinks, Veo, and other assorted matchday necessities, as I followed behind with a Peppa Pig bag of assorted flags. The first real test of the day came as Aiden was informed that children under the age of 9 get in for free, so, despite actually being 14, he turned 8 again upon arrival. He got in for free with no questions asked, immediately greeting his Dad by saying “fucking hell” as he came through the turnstile. How old Aiden will be at Taunton is anyone’s guess. Adam, Mitch and I had ourselves a pint and as we were off to get another one, we were impressed at the helpful youngsters clearing up the empty glasses. Turns out there was a Β£1 deposit on each cup, and we’d just waved off at least a fiver. You win some, you lose some.
As we spoke about the chances of actually winning the game of football we’d come here for, the team news came in and we showed only one change from the Swindon win as Matt Buse came in for Wes. Our bench was very strong with Ieuan, Hutch, Wes, Dawsy and Luke Roberts on it, and those five players would have been automatic starters in the not too distant past. Any fears about the pitch were unfounded as it looked a bit heavy but very playable, and as the teams lined up and the toss was done, we were kicking up the hill towards the clubhouse. Numbers were decent again as there were somewhere in the region of 40-50 away fans there as well as a good number of flags. As a couple of stickers got put on the advertising boards, some of the youngsters asked if I had any spares and I ended up dishing out stickers to them. This isn’t something I’ll make a habit of as giving things to people in their early teens is something that has already been trademarked by someone else in the Southern League.
The first few minutes of the game saw no action of note but that all changed with seven minutes played as Spetchy was shown a yellow card with the home players and bench wanting a red. Now, we were at the wrong end to perceive any depth, but it did look like Spetch might have got a bit lucky from afar as he brought down a Parkway attacker who looked like he may have been through. It did seem a long way out, and JD and Hastey would have been closing the man down, but, if it was Olaf that had been fouled, I’d have been screaming for a red. The only man who had an opinion that mattered was the ref and he gave Spetchy a yellow, and on went the game.
Olaf had a decent chance after good pressure from Wayne gave him a shooting chance on the angle, but his shot went harmlessly wide, and despite Parkway having more of the ball, they couldn’t really do anything to test Harry Lee who was looking very assured. We did make a change after about 30 minutes as Ieuan came on for Wayne, and we weren’t sure if this was due to injury or tactics, but that was the only thing worth commenting on until Matt Buse had a fierce shot shovelled away by the home keeper in first half injury time. The halftime whistle came as something of a relief and the opportunity to top up my glass without allowing any youths to take my glass and my Β£1. Pint topped up and warning from the bar staff that kids will nick my pint to take the glass if I’m not alert received, it was off down the far end to put the flags up.
We had hoped for a fast start to the half from the Magpies, but we were left sorely disappointed. Some rather slack pressing allowed Parkway to move up field almost unchallenged and play a through ball. Although the initial shot was well saved by Harry Lee, the rebound fell to Tom Dean who made no mistake as he put Parkway 1-0 up. It felt a very preventable goal and we found ourselves in a position we were all too familiar with at this fucking ground. Not keen to watch the game pass us by, more subs soon followed as Wes came on for Buse, and Daws on for Ngalo. It didn’t take long for Dawsy to have an impact.
Some good pressure and a smart pass set Dawsy away down the left, and as he approached the byline his ball found Olaf around the penalty spot. Quite why Parkway had elected to leave a man with 17 league goals unmarked in their penalty area remains a mystery, but he didn’t need an invite to score goal number 18 as his strike took a slight deflection and flew past the scrum cap wearing home keeper. After six and a half games at this sodding ground, we finally had a goal, and once again it was game on. We thought we’d got our second goal shortly after as Dawsy’s header hit the back of the net, with the offside flag ensuring our celebrations were short lived. But we didn’t have to wait long for the next goal as Olaf helped himself to number 19 of his excellent season.
More joy down the left saw Wes bear down on goal, and as he twisted and turned with the ball, one Parkway defender went to ground and his outstretched arm was all that stopped Wes taking the ball with him. Penalty awarded, Wes took the ball, got some verbals off the Plymouth players, and after everyone had been ordered back to the edge of the box, he handed it back to Olaf. We were then treated to the familiar sight of Olaf finding the opposite corner to the side the keeper had dived, and we had ourselves a 2-1 lead. It was now a question of whether we could hold onto that lead. Hutch, fresh of being bored to sleep by Bargey in Spoons last weekend, came on for Shaq as the final sub after Luke Roberts had already replaced Pards, and despite some possession and plenty of huff and puff, we held on without any real further alarm for three valuable points and our second away win of the season.
This was not us at our fluent best and it certainly wasn’t easy on the eye. But these are the sort of games that good sides win. Grinding out results and winning ugly is worth the same amount of points as a 5-0 footballing exhibition, and for those of us that have seen some of the lower points at this very ground, this was as enjoyable as any rout. The aggregate score at Parkway has improved marginally to 18-2, but those two goals could be vital come the end of the season, especially as results went our way. Olaf’s two goals catch the eye, but I thought Harry Lee was very good. Not the easiest of surfaces and Parkway seemed to want to drill low crosses in, but his handling was exceptional both on the ground and in the air. JD and Corby Moore were also very good – they’re two players who you almost take for granted as their standards are consistently very high. Everyone was around the 7/10 mark, and if all 11 are playing like that, you’ll not lose many.
Tomorrow is another big game as Wimborne head to town, and they’ll be buoyed by their 1-0 win over ten man Poole during the week. Charlie Davis was the man sent off for Poole, although I’m not sure many would have noticed his absence given how he handicaps most sides he plays for. Hopefully it’ll be another decent crowd in as we look to extend the gap between us and the chasing pack. Up The Magpies and don’t forget, mobiles phones are for pockets, not arseholes. SV.
