In this world nothing can be said to be certain, except death, taxes and Dorch bottling derby day. It’s a safer guarantee than socks for Christmas, and spoiler alert… this year was to be no different.
Our record against “the rectum of Dorset” (Liddle, R. 2025) is truly, truly abysmal. We had only won 38 times in 135 years, compared to their 102 times; and not once have we ever done ‘the double’ over them in almost a century and a half! Even in the midst of their last of many financial troubles, when they were relegated from the Conference South with just 5 wins all season, they were still able to take four points off us and dump us out the trophy. And so, any confidence that Floydy or I shared before the game was naively and predictably misplaced…and here we are still searching for our fifth win of the season.
To say that the season so far has been a disaster would be an understatement. In fact, last time I scribbled some thoughts down for this blog was in the wake of our play-off defeat at Totton. In that blog I wrote that I saw no reason we couldn’t kick-on and be in the reckoning for the title this season. So if nothing else, it shows how little I know! I don’t think anyone foresaw us losing arguably our three best players as well as our assistant manager/tactical mastermind – but that is no defence. The latter was probably the biggest lost, as whilst he currently guides Gosport in the play-off places, we have spent the vast majority of this season looking tactically clueless and one-dimensional, as we stubbornly cling on to the blueprint of last season, even though the personnel have changed and the squad is horribly unbalanced. More on this to come…
Despite this though, as we met up in Vivo Lounge for a fry-up and 10am pints, the mood was generally upbeat and positive. Rads (fresh from bumping into Jem and Browner in the Alps), Goddard and the youngest of the Ward clan were first in for a feed, to be joined by Ant (who sat and read up on world affairs separately) and El Gen – who sat separately with his partner as he had cunningly realised he could get away with a pre-match fry up and pints if he framed it as a ‘spontaneous morning date’ with the better half.
After a couple in Vivo, we wandered down to the ground to get in early to soak up the atmosphere in the bar. What became quiet evident each time we looked out the window at the people queuing, was that the gate was going to be a very sizeable one… and that the club only opening one home turnstile was probably a mistake. And so it came as no surprise when it was announced that kick off had been pushed back by quarter of an hour. Having been a Director previously, I know what an utterly thankless task it is and how difficult it is to find reliable volunteers. But that said, I find it baffling that we didn’t open the main stand turnstiles or allow entry to the fanzone via the ground, so that it could act as an overflow to the bar and help dissipate the queue.
But as kick off approached we squeezed in to take up our usual spot behind the goal, which annoyingly we’d be shooting towards in the first half, as Weymouth won the toss and turned us around.
In a raucous atmosphere, the first action of the game came not on the pitch, but off it. Stupidly, a cup was thrown onto the pitch towards the direction of the Weymouth keeper. One steward’s response was to try aggressively grab the culprit through a large body people, causing an entirely-predictable melee and injuring one other fan in the process. It was stupid from our lot, but also yet another example of a hired-for-the-day security goon not using their head and instead resorting to aggression. Fortunately, the Police – a bit more educated on crowd control – used their heads, calmed the situation down and told the steward to move away and do his job elsewhere. Funnily enough, no more incidents happened from our end – though a coin was thrown in the direction of Benfield from the mutant’s end. I didn’t realise they had enough money to spare!
Attention returned to the action on the pitch and after a shaky start, Dorch began to get on top and dictate play a bit, with the lively Joe Parker running former Magpies carthorse, Kieran Douglas, ragged. It was through this route that we deservedly took the lead. From our goal kick Benfield tapped it to JD, who looked up and saw Weymouth playing a high line and just stuck one in behind Douglas for Parker to run on to. It was overhit but Parker didn’t give up on the cause and got to the by-line to pull back to an unmarked Wooding, who deftly headed into the far corner to send us wild.
Parker was having a field day against the lumbering Douglas, who appears to have got even slower since he was with us a couple of seasons ago. We really should have been awarded a penalty when a ball was floated over Douglas and Wright attempted to head back across goal. Douglas’ did his best Nigel-Farage-at-Dulwich-College impression, with his right arm raised directly in the air. But despite clear contact, the ref somehow decided to wave away appeals. Moments later, Douglas hauled down Parker to pick up an overdue yellow. And when on the 37th minute he was lucky to escape a second yellow for going over the ball and catching Pardoe on the top of the foot, Weymouth’s bench hauled him off for a humiliating first half substitution before he was sent off.
With Douglas off the pitch, Weymouth suddenly improved. Helped, accommodatingly, by us not turning the floodlights on as the evening light began to fall. The men in luminous yellow were winning all the midfield duels (to the surprise of no-one who’s watched us and our huge Ngalo shaped hole this season.) Robinson picked up the ball in the centre of pitch and with Murray giving him all the time in the world, found Bearwish who turned Corby and curled one into the far corner.
Out of nothing Weymouth were level and with their tales up. We were creaking. Heads dropped and on the stroke of half time, they were ahead. Again, they had too much time in midfield and floated one to the back post. JD dawdled over to close down the cross with not nearly enough urgency, which allowed their man to pull the ball back for Goodship to find the corner, just as the half time whistle blew. (Which was the signal for the floodlights to immediately come on)
The second half was devoid of any quality as you’d expect from two relegation-facing teams. We had more of the ball, but failed to fashion any chances of note. The game/season was entirely summed up in the 70th minute. Murray was brought down as he attempted to slalom between two defenders and the ref pointed to the spot. In truth, it was incredibly soft. But not as soft as Parker’s penalty, who gently rolled it into Evans grasp as he dived to his right. Moments later, Evans denied an excellent Wooding free-kick from nestling in the top bin. Other than two set peices we offered absolutely nothing and looked totally devoid of ideas. The full-time whistled was greeted with boo’s and it was entirely justified.
We now sit second bottom and with other teams beginning to turn things around, we are dangerously close to being cut adrift.
Inevitably, there were a few calls later that evening for TK to go, as is customary after a derby defeat. But that smacks of pressing the panic button to me. You don’t become a bad manager over night (particularly when you have a twenty year track record of being a very successful one) and there’s credit in the bank from the last couple of seasons to give him the opportunity to change things… if he wants to change things!
I don’t say that to question his motivation, but Poole’s fans’ biggest gripes with Tommy from his time there was being too loyal to players who weren’t performing and not changing things quick enough; and Tommy himself has admitted this was a failing of his. It’s hard not to look at us this season and fear that history is repeating itself.
Because our problems (and there are many, but lets just focus on the big one) have been obvious all season. Some of us called it in pre-season and even the players openly acknowledge it in the bar after games…. We have no central midfield. Or to be more precise, we have absolutely no physicality or aggression in midfield. No “rat”. No Ngalo. Hell, no Billy Lowes.
Let’s take a moment to crudely break down what the job of a centre mid is. In it’s very simplistic form, it is to: 1) Win the ball back 2) Keep the ball, in order to… 3) Create a platform for our attacking players to create chances.
When I look at all our central midfielders, in Corby, Murray, Smith, Buse, Underhill and Wooding, I see plenty of creative, ball playing midfielders who’s strengths are #2 and #3, but I see nobody in our options who excel at #1. (That might be a tad harsh on Wooding, but we shouldn’t be relying on an 18-year old Rookie given our resources)
When did “earning the right to play” stop being true?
The imbalance in our midfield has been glaringly obvious all season, but despite this we haven’t made any moves to change things. Which is where we come back to that word ‘Loyalty.’
Because what is loyalty? Loyalty isn’t asking people to do jobs they’re not suited to do and then sticking by them as they inevitably struggle. Loyalty is recognising someone’s strengths and then giving them the all tools they need to set them up for success. Those tools can absolutely include a colleague who can compliment them by doing the parts of the job they’re not great at.
One person’s loyalty is another man’s stubbornness, and I’d argue that refusing to change the balance of the midfield despite the glaring evidence that it isn’t currently working is the opposite of loyalty to those players you trust. It’s setting them up for failure.
The good news is, is that’s there’s still plenty of time. Saturday was the half way point of the season and there are still 20 games and 60 points to play for. It’s a curious statistic that whilst only Tiverton have won fewer games than us, nobody in the bottom half have lost fewer games than us. I’m not sure what to make of that stat, if anything can.
So if I were in the unenviable shoes of our DoF/Chairman, the panic button would be firmly still in the bottom drawer of the desk. But I would be taking advantage of this week to have something of an ‘end of year review’, which would include some honest conversations about areas that need to change. Because loyalty – and indeed leadership – is about pointing out where people need to grow and giving them the opportunity to do so. If they fail to do so.. well that’s on them. But something does need to change, because we’re not so much sleepwalking off a cliff, as stubbornly choosing to follow this path off a cliff, whilst ignoring the big “danger ahead” signs. We are in in serious danger of joining the Rectum of Dorset in the Rectum of the Southern league. CM