It’s a Tuesday night in late September, and it can only mean
one thing, DERBY DAY! Yep, for reasons best known to the league, a ‘local
derby’ has been shunted from one of the prime bank holiday slots, and into a
random Tuesday night in September. A sure fire way to enhance the gate receipts
and generate interest in the fixture. To be truthful, although geographically
close, Poole is still a difficult game to get hyped up about. Many will
consider it a pre-season friendly from years gone by, and although it’s a tired
subject now, but Poole’s Tatnam ground is fucking awful, and that’s paying it a
compliment.
But Poole are a good side, and it was sure to be a close
game between two teams who had started well. Was Dorchester gripped by derby
day fever? Well, no, but Dorchester has only ever really been gripped by the
Romans and Oliver Letwin, so no great change there. Onto the evening’s
festivities, and the plan of catching the 1713 train from Dorchester was ruined
early on when it became apparent to Clarkie and I that we were the only ones on
the platform. It transpired that the others were in The George waiting for us.
Organisation on a par with the time General Hill got advance tickets for an
away game, only to realise he had purchased tickets for the wrong day. A quick
pint of ‘Judge Jefferys” in the Brewhouse (JJ was obviously a Dorch fan), and
it was back to the platform to meet the other assembled Dorchies and head to
Poole.
Clarkie, not wanting to get thirsty at any point before
reaching Poole, had taken 3 bottles of ale with him for a 33 minute train
journey, which seemed excessive but would help him come up with a fine array of
quotes as the night went on. His first observation was in a discussion about
squad depth when he correctly stated that “3ft of MDF” would make of bench
stronger, as opposed to another midfielder. Quite right too, TC. As the train
pulled into Poole, and Clarkie was unsure as to what to do with the unopened
bottle of London Pride, we headed to another pub that was also called The
George but has less karaoke than the Dorchester version. 3 quick pints and a
natter with a few other travelling Magpies, and we had a genuine sense of
optimism as we set off on our walk to the ground. It was on this walk though,
where two shocking facts came to our attention…
These facts? Phil had turned up wearing trainers, and Steve
Hill had hair. Well, as much hair as we’d ever seen him with. General Hill has
been bald since tearing his hair out when Bournemouth were docked 17 points in
2008, and his passion at football matches has seen him remain that way ever
since. Although we soon realised that Steve’s hair and Phil’s trainers had fuck
all to do with the result of a football match.
After Clarkie had somehow been allowed to get into Tatnam as
an under 16, and Welchy was charged an under 16 price without even asking for
it, we set off to the bar which sadly for Spud had none of his favourite drink,
“Peach Steller Sidder”, whatever that is. Although our first pint was served in
a normal glass, the second was in a plastic pint glass. Can we take them
outside, we asked. No, the reason for the plastic glasses was the Poole
unwanted section of young fans were here, and they had a track record for
trouble. “Bournemouth are about, the plastics are out”, was the superb little
rhyme we got as an explanation.
So beer-less, we headed behind the goal, which was populated
mainly by away fans, but a good smattering of Poole as well (the expected
arrival of 600 Weymouth fans never materialised) for the first half. One Dorch
fan who did make it was Berry, whose playmobile head was only able to make it
as keeper Shane Murphy had kindly covered his train fare. Good work, Shane. It
was an uneventful half which had little in the way of goalmouth action, but
Poole did force Shane into a decent save and also hit the bar, and we had
several decent openings without really testing Nick Hutchings in the Poole goal.
Hutchings did find himself called into action in a verbal exchange with
Clarkie, who was shovelling chips down his throat at the time;
“Hutchings, you’ve got the biggest instep I’ve ever seen in
my life!”
“How’s slimming world, mate?”
Clarkie’s response? To stand silent for a couple of seconds
before uttering;
“The cunts done me. I like that cunt. Fair play to him.”
There was an odd lack of atmosphere, which has partly to do
with the very makeshift surrounds of the ground, but we also found out that the
aforementioned ‘Bournemouth fans’ had been allowed entry to the ground, only to
be kicked out. However we were able to create a bit more of an atmosphere in
the second half at the covered end of the ground, where the 100 or so Dorchies
were able to congregate and make our voices heard. Clarkie even stood clutching
a bog roll for 45 minutes in the vain hope we’d score (JW would later find 2
bog rolls in his bag that he’d forgotten about). The half followed a similar
pattern to the first in that both teams saw decent periods of possession, but
there again was little to speak of in either goalmouth. Shane shovelled the
ball onto his own crossbar, Watto had a tough chance from the angle, and both
teams wasted set pieces when well placed. But a point was a fair result
overall, even though both teams could have nicked it.
Much like last season at Poole, the number of travelling
fans was decent, and we were rewarded with a decent performance. The fact we
left with a clean sheet and a point and were a little disappointed with it is a
mark of how far the team has come in a few months. A 0-0 at Poole on New Year’s
Day of last season was only our fourth point on the road, and first clean sheet
away from home. It was a border line miracle. This season, a 0-0 draw was no
bad point gained, but compared to last season when a point was almost
unfathomable coming into it, it almost felt a let-down to come away with one
point here. But we have much to be happy about. Here are 3 things I like;
–
We have had 12 different goal scorers in league
and cup. In fact, only 3 outfield players to have started a game have not
scored. Who are they? Answers on a postcard…
–
Charlie Davis has played very well and looks
like a very good addition to the side. After a spell with us previously which
didn’t go to plan, he has fast become a vital player for us with his set pieces
and ability in open play
–
We’ve kept a lot of clean sheets. Regardless of
goalkeeper or defensive combination, we have looked very solid with only one or
two exceptions. Well, just at Cirencester really.
And just to balance things out, 3 things I don’t like
–
Attendances are down slightly, but hopefully
we’ll get back to our usual 450 or so soon enough. Hopefully a decent run will
help attract the casual fan BACK to the avenue.
–
We seem to have picked up a lot yellow cards
recently. Not a real major concern, but I’m actually pretty happy with the on
pitch start to the season.
–
Global warming and climate has seen the number
of penguins drastically drop. Who doesn’t like penguins?
So a quick walk around the ground, past the ‘press area’
(two blokes with laptops and a paper sign saying ‘press area’), a kebab and
conversation with the ‘Bournemouth lot’ which consisted of Clarkie shouting
“ALRIGHT BOYSIES”, and it was back to the train and back home. A walk to spoons
, 99p cans of craft beer, and a trip to snappys, mugged off by missing a two
for one pizza offer, and that was Poole away done. A point gained and a decent
night. Here’s hoping that General Hill turns up with dreadlocks for the Merthyr
game on Tuesday. SV
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