• “His dad sent the stewards around apparently.”

    It’s fair to say our recent form against Salisbury is fucking dire, to say the least. Under the newly reformed Salisbury FC 7 years ago, our record against them had been played 10 lost 9, plus a draw in the FA Trophy – we ultimately lost the replay 0-3. One of those losses includes a […]

  • “I genuinely don’t like football.”

    There are few more crushing feelings in football than watching your side lose to an injury time goal. Seeing your side do so in the purgatory that is Farnborough, having played and defended so well for 90 minutes is doubly depressing. This was another sucker punch in a season that has seen us on the […]

  • “My claim to fame was that me, Stuart Morgan and David Fayle went on the Ester Ranzen show to talk about the curse.”

    Saturday September 14th 2019 seems an age ago. It was a pre-pandemic world before social distancing and lockdown, the Mango Mussolini was still US President, Callum Brooks was in charge of Dorchester, and Alan Luther was without Mutton Chops. It also marked the last time that we came from behind to win a league game […]

  • “I had a fucking horrible date on ‘Plenty Of Fish’ once.”

    In last week’s blog I mentioned how even a blind squirrel can find a nut occasionally. It turns out that last week’s win was that rare nut find and we sadly reverted to what has been the norm this week as we fumbled about in the dark to produce one of the worst performances and […]

  • “Short corner, where’s that got us?”

    It has been a depressing few weeks following Dorch. Winless in 10 games, into the relegation places, performances abject, results worse. There were plans to have blogs on the Poole, Beaconsfield and Hayes games, but the adage of if you haven’t got anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all combined with utter ambivalence […]

  • “We don’t get twatted as often, which is the most Dorch metric of improvement possible.”

    After the disappointment of the Poole Christmas Bank Holiday game, waking up on New Years Day that feeling that some may describe as stupidity came over me once again and I decided to make the trip down the M5 in the hope we might start the year in a better fashion than we ended 2021. […]

  • “There was no intent to hurt him. But I’ve absolutely folded him in half.”

    As another strange festive period comes, the usual wish for three points on Boxing Day will once again go unanswered, albeit it as we’re playing on the 27th and not the 26th this year. Christmas cheer has been in somewhat short supply over the last few seasons, but we’ve had some better luck in the […]

  • “Why has he got a condom on his head?”

    Well, alright lads? Guten Tag! What a difference a week makes. After a disappointing loss to Swindon and a point having surrendered a 1-0 lead at Merthyr last Tuesday, the next two games against Kings Langley and Wimborne, both at home, were vital if we were to get points on the board and start to […]