• “The last person to be that immobile in Bristol was the statue of Edward Colston that ended up in the harbour.”

    When it comes to simple to make meals, Coleman’s tuna pasta bake is in the top tier of filling yet easy food for the Voss family. Be in when we were children at school, something to make myself after a days work, or reheated as the next days working dinner, it is a flexible dish that can satisfy in quick time. However I did not think that tuna pasta bake and a bit of a tiger baguette would be the highlight of my fucking Saturday. We’re three games into the new season and it’s not panic stations yet. But the…

  • “Where did Euro 92 take place, Phil?…..”Mexico”

    Plus ça-fucking-change eh!? It seems hard to believe that it was over a year ago that I last attended a Dorch away game. A work trip back to the UK and I thought I’d bolt on a week-long holiday in Dorset to see the ‘rents and take in a Tuesday night jaunt down to Truro for the first away game of the season. We lost 3-0. I should have known better. Fast forward a year, a pandemic, a family bereavement, a sabbatical-cum-repatriation later and I find myself once again back in Dorset eyeing up the first away game of the…

  • “Either that toilet is blocked or someone in here has a kidney infection.”

    New Year’s Eve is, for me, the shittest night out of the year. On the face of it, it should be brilliant. Loads of people about, all the pubs open, Bank Holiday the next day and it is pretty much a free pass as everyone is expected to be hungover the next day. Yet it is nearly always a big fucking let down. Someone peaks too early and needs to go home by ten o’clock, the group gets spilt up as some want to visit a different pub to others, there’s an argument about who has the most convincing Mexican…

  • “We drew 2-2, got the mother of all bollockings, then a few beers later on the bus home, it turns out he’s off on holiday to Spain and misses the next game anyway!”

    We’re now only a day away from the return of competitive football to The Avenue, so normal service with blogs covering depressing defeats in the arse end of London and how a sense of optimism can be crushed by 1515 will soon resume. But before that, we have one final lookback (for the time being…) and having done the previous title winning seasons of 1979-80 and 1986-87, we finish this little series with a review of the record breaking 2002-03 campaign that saw us win the Dr Martens Eastern Division title. In many ways this is a totally different triumph…

  • “Are you kidding? He won’t fetch the curse out mumbling a few prayers.”

    30 years. Three whole decades. 10,950 days. No, that’s not how long the last few seasons in the Southern League have felt, that is how long the Avenue Stadium has been the club’s home. Built at a cost of over £2 million with Prince Charles involved in the design process, we switched from the old Avenue Ground in 1990 (now the site of Tesco) to the brand-new Avenue Stadium. It is in fact 30 years to the day since we played our first league game at the ground (more on that to come) and in the seasons that have followed…

  • “Crawley’s need is far greater than that of Barbados.”

    In amongst half arsed games, in empty stadiums, with a VAR system that makes the standard of officiating in the Southern League look borderline competent, one thing has become abundantly clear; Danny Ings is quite good. Now this is something that will not come as any great surprise to Dorchester fans. We saw his potential and all realised that his performances against a team of tradesmen in the Dorset Senior Cup would one day see him playing at the highest level and internationally. That is of course a slight (massive) exaggeration, but his performances were that of a player who…

  • “He had a yard and a half arse, not many defenders were getting round him.”

    After a few months of inactivity, football is most definitely back as the Twitter timeline is full of complaints about VAR and tweets from non league players running around cones in their back gardens and in parks to show others just how “buzzing” they are for the new season. We’ve even signed a few players with some retained, some returning and some new, so welcome to those if any of them happen to find themselves reading this. We’ll fully believe that the season is approaching when rumours of Nathan Peprah-Anan turning up for pre-season on Hardye’s field start to circulate.…

  • “I remember Mark Morris fighting Matt Groves for the last beer at the back of the bus.”

    With the Conornavirus robbing us of live sport, many outlets have had to speculate about outcomes of dream matches to fill column inches and air time. Arsenal’s invincibles or Manchester United’s treble winners? Prime Ali or prime Mike Tyson? Thirsty Matt Groves or a parched Mark Morris? Well, the first two we can’t help you with (Man Utd 99 and Ali are the correct answers, don’t @ us), but the last one we can reveal the answer to as we welcome you to players choice part 3. This weeks dose of nostalgia includes cup classics, further derby day delight, DTFC’s…