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“I know it’s not great, but Dunstable does have one of the best cemeteries in the country.”
The logic of a football fan is often very illogical. For example, given we’ve lost 5 from 6 and have a goal difference of -20, why would I want to spend my afternoon in bloody Dunstable of all places? Well I’m not known for my sanity and it turned out to be a worthwhile…
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“I once shit in a Sports Direct bag. Don’t tell anyone though.”
If you look back at the last 2 Dorchester away days at Hitchin, they both had a very different feel to them. A 0-0 draw in one of the most boring and typical ‘end of season’ games 2 seasons ago, and a tight 3-2 loss that all but ended of play off hopes last…
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“Who was even playing? The Cincinnati Blow Jobs?”
Most of my Sundays off are usually spent hungover and watching football, and this one was no exception. The only difference was that rather than watching the Premier League, a division that as a Pompey fan I lost interest in back in 2010, my own super Sunday would comprise of watching Hayes and Yeading…
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“I ain’t been pissing properly for a few days now.”
Its summer time, and that means many things for most Brits. Moaning about how cold it is for most of the time and rhetorically asking “I thought it was meant to be summer”, before then complaining incessantly about how fucking hot it is when the sun does come out, and screen-shotting weather apps or…
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“I hate going to Weymouth. They even had a minutes silence for my Dad and I didn’t go.”
Boxing Day football is probably the one day of the year that all football fans look forward to. Most people will have spent the previous day held captive in their own homes, with only a (Ash) turkey, cheese board, and monopoly to stop them arguing with relatives. I’m known not to be a fan…
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“Two seasons running, and the best thing about St Neots is the cheap fucking Tesco”
Let’s cast ourselves back to 10 months or so, when we last visited the South West Cambridgeshire town that is St Neots. Dorchester Town FC weren’t going through the best of times and the feeling around the club was very much doom and gloom. The game, however, was one of those matches you witness…
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“Who are these people round ‘ere? I’ve just been told off for using the women’s toilets.”
It’s a Tuesday night in late September, and it can only mean one thing, DERBY DAY! Yep, for reasons best known to the league, a ‘local derby’ has been shunted from one of the prime bank holiday slots, and into a random Tuesday night in September. A sure fire way to enhance the…
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“Why are all the teams I support shit? I even supported an NFL team the other week and they lost 42-fucking-nil.”
Of all the trips in English league and non-league football, the phrase “Slough away on a Tuesday night” is one that sounds especially fucking dull. Slough, a team who were in the Conference in the late 90’s, and a place which is synonymous with being the setting for the series ‘The Office’ (which I…
