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”Scouting for Gosport? Sounds like a shit 90‘s ska-punk band”
It’s been a week of firsts for those involved with Dorch. Our first derby win since time began, Jem’s first goal of the season, the first time the bulk of fans actually seemed happy and the first time I ever had a kettle thrown at me at work! (Not to mention the first time…
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“Where you taking her, a fucking construction site?”
What a difference a few weeks make. In mid January, we seemed to be staring down the proverbial barrel of another relegation, and now we’re pushing for Europe.Well, not so much Europe, but we are pretty much safe now. One thing thatremains the same though is that we go to away games and we…
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“Every tinpot town has a pub called the Wheatsheaf. I bet there’s even a Sutton sticker in the toilet”
From the moment I woke up on Saturday morning, the omens were good going into another eagerly anticipated away day. From the leftover pizza on the side of my bed, that I drunkenly ordered the night before, to the superstition when as soon as I set foot outside of my building, I had the…
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“Why would he want to come back? Last time I saw him, I headbutted him in Goldfingers.”
So in the same way that apparently Fleet is more than just a service station, it turns out that Frome is actually a town, and not just a river that runs through Dorchester. Who knew, eh? Frome is not a place I’d usually look to spend my Wednesday evening, but having come back to…
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“Would you like a smoothie or a cranberry juice for your period?”
So Dorch are back, lads. That spirit, that fight, that arrogance. Same old Magpies, taking the piss. Andy Harris, Danny O‘Hagan, Matt Lonnon, Mark Jermyn. Oh Mark Jermyn. It‘s far too early to be saying this of course, but for a moment on Saturday it genuinely felt like finally we have our club back.…
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“I’d rather go to a Russian prostitute than an English one”
Last year was one of the worst seasons in recent history for our club. But going into Saturday’s game away at Chesham, we were undefeated in 2015 and were yet to concede a goal. Well, we played one game and drew it 0-0. But with the recent removal of Hereford’s results, it became official…
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“Don’t flatter yourselves Poole, we only scrap with teams in a ten mile radius. If this game was against Kangaroos, shit would go down”
Happy New Year everyone! For Magpies fans all over the world it’s fair to say that 2014 had been on paper THE worst year in the clubs history. Ok… maybe not history, but in my lifetime anyway. So what better way to kick off 2015 than a local “derby,” to the side sitting on…
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“You know you’re at a tinpot level when there’s no Sutton sticker on the toilet cistern”
Just as every single non-league programme article must apparently begin with the immortal lines “Welcome to the players and officials of….” so too must every Sunday morning scribe on here begin with a similar, pointless yet essential traditional preamble. So let us begin. Beaconsfield. A fucking village. Tinpot. Hadn’t even heard of it until…
