• “One good thing about this season is that we’ll never have to come back to fucking Basingstoke”

    So with the season-from-hell well and truly behind us and the boredom of bugger all to do on Saturday’s setting in, we thought we’d look back at the season that was with a quick review. As you’ll see, one of us has far more time on their hands than the others. CM. Fred: Honest…

  • “Name a player beginning with P”……. “Simon Radcliffe?”

      We’re midway through the season, at which point, anything is still possible in this eventful campaign. “Look at our run in!” these final games had the potential to be part of a great escape. Whitehawk away on Easter weekend certainly had ‘Brighton Weekender’ written all over it. Hotel booked and arrangements sorted months…

  • “Well, that was worse than Mean Machine”

    Hayes and Yeading v Dorchester is hardly a game to ignite much interest in many people. Even people in Hayes, Yeading, or Dorchester don’t really care about it. Combine that with the fact Tuesday’s defeat to Maidenhead has made relegation all but certain, what could have been the proverbial ‘six pointer’ was now largely…

  • “Enough about bloody stickers”

    It was the Mother’s birthday this weekend, so I went all out and treated her, by buggering off down the Avenue, spending a fortune in the local drinking establishments and waking up on the floor of Steve’s bedroom. Happy birthday Mum! We don’t tend to bother about writing about home games here at The…

  • “I bet your twitter feed is on fire, number six”

    Charles Dickens once wrote “If anyone were to ask me what in my opinion was the dullest and most stupid spot on the face of the Earth, I should decidedly say Chelmsford.“ From that, we can logically deduce that ‘Dicko’ (as he was known to his mates) was in fact a Magpie. Sick as…

  • “That’s the worst attempt at control I’ve seen since the stewarding at Hillsborough”

    Well, it was quite a day. Recent results and performances had seen a strange feeling known as optimism creep into our thinking. Combine that with cheap train tickets from Dorchester South and the importance of the game, the numbers of travelling fans had swelled to a recent high of ten! Two new faces joined…

  • “Are you cold or have you contracted parkinson’s in the last five minutes?”

    It had felt like a lifetime ago (1 month) since I’d last witnessed a Magpies game, or any football match for that matter. So naturally, when I saw the tweet from Eastbourne Borough, saying the game had passed a pitch inspection, coupled with our *ahem* excellent fortunes on the pitch we were buzzing for…

  • “The Walsall Sleeper?! That sounds like Kamasutra!”

    The best laid plans of mice and men often go awry, but seldom do they include waking up in a Premier Inn in fucking Fleet of all places. Fortunately for this weekend, no plans had been laid. Given the weather at present, none of us had even considered the possibility of the match being…