• “I turned down sex for this tonight.”

    Imagine being addicted to heroin but this type of heroin has a high that only occurs once in a blue moon, with a massive come down mostly every time. That’s what following Dorchester Town is like. Probably worse than heroin actually. Yeah, being a Dorch fan is definitely worse than being a heroin addict.…

  • “That’s not central heating Tom, that’s the sun”

    When I moved to London, had someone told me that in a years’ time I’d be looking forward to a trip to St Neots, , I’d have had to ask what a St Neots is, before politely telling them to fuck off. But what d’ya know, one year on, a trip to St Neots to…

  • “How is a man supposed to attract a blue tit to his table if he shouts?”

    It’s been an odd couple of weeks in the life of SJ Voss, with some excellent high points in a brilliant stag do in Krakow and a new job soon to begin, but also accompanied by some irritating lows in a concussion, hospital appointments, and the very nasty re-emergence of my anxiety/depression gremlins. So…

  • “Don’t make it worse lads, I’m having a shit night as it is”

    Well, we all knew what a kick in the balls getting relegated to the Zameretto Calor Stik Beezer Homes Southern League would be like. A far cry from visiting luxurious hubs of English football such as Staines, Boreham Wood and Basingstoke, we now get to visit some isolated pieces of land that nobody has…

  • “That’s the problem with London. You get into Waterloo and you don’t know whether you’re on a train or the tube”

    It’s always the same isn’t it?  You wait all summer for the trip to Arlesey on the opening day and then have to make two journeys there in one weekend. Still, if you’re stupid enough to leave a hardly inconspicuous, 10ft St George’s flag on the platform, you’ve only got yourself to blame really.…

  • “One good thing about this season is that we’ll never have to come back to fucking Basingstoke”

    So with the season-from-hell well and truly behind us and the boredom of bugger all to do on Saturday’s setting in, we thought we’d look back at the season that was with a quick review. As you’ll see, one of us has far more time on their hands than the others. CM. Fred: Honest…

  • “Name a player beginning with P”……. “Simon Radcliffe?”

      We’re midway through the season, at which point, anything is still possible in this eventful campaign. “Look at our run in!” these final games had the potential to be part of a great escape. Whitehawk away on Easter weekend certainly had ‘Brighton Weekender’ written all over it. Hotel booked and arrangements sorted months…

  • “Well, that was worse than Mean Machine”

    Hayes and Yeading v Dorchester is hardly a game to ignite much interest in many people. Even people in Hayes, Yeading, or Dorchester don’t really care about it. Combine that with the fact Tuesday’s defeat to Maidenhead has made relegation all but certain, what could have been the proverbial ‘six pointer’ was now largely…