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“Who are these people round ‘ere? I’ve just been told off for using the women’s toilets.”
It’s a Tuesday night in late September, and it can only mean one thing, DERBY DAY! Yep, for reasons best known to the league, a ‘local derby’ has been shunted from one of the prime bank holiday slots, and into a random Tuesday night in September. A sure fire way to enhance the gate […]
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“Why are all the teams I support shit? I even supported an NFL team the other week and they lost 42-fucking-nil.”
Of all the trips in English league and non-league football, the phrase “Slough away on a Tuesday night” is one that sounds especially fucking dull. Slough, a team who were in the Conference in the late 90’s, and a place which is synonymous with being the setting for the series ‘The Office’ (which I can’t […]
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”Scouting for Gosport? Sounds like a shit 90‘s ska-punk band”
It’s been a week of firsts for those involved with Dorch. Our first derby win since time began, Jem’s first goal of the season, the first time the bulk of fans actually seemed happy and the first time I ever had a kettle thrown at me at work! (Not to mention the first time someone […]
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“Where you taking her, a fucking construction site?”
What a difference a few weeks make. In mid January, we seemed to be staring down the proverbial barrel of another relegation, and now we’re pushing for Europe.Well, not so much Europe, but we are pretty much safe now. One thing thatremains the same though is that we go to away games and we drink […]
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“Every tinpot town has a pub called the Wheatsheaf. I bet there’s even a Sutton sticker in the toilet”
From the moment I woke up on Saturday morning, the omens were good going into another eagerly anticipated away day. From the leftover pizza on the side of my bed, that I drunkenly ordered the night before, to the superstition when as soon as I set foot outside of my building, I had the misfortune […]
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“Why would he want to come back? Last time I saw him, I headbutted him in Goldfingers.”
So in the same way that apparently Fleet is more than just a service station, it turns out that Frome is actually a town, and not just a river that runs through Dorchester. Who knew, eh? Frome is not a place I’d usually look to spend my Wednesday evening, but having come back to Dorchester […]
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“Would you like a smoothie or a cranberry juice for your period?”
So Dorch are back, lads. That spirit, that fight, that arrogance. Same old Magpies, taking the piss. Andy Harris, Danny O‘Hagan, Matt Lonnon, Mark Jermyn. Oh Mark Jermyn. It‘s far too early to be saying this of course, but for a moment on Saturday it genuinely felt like finally we have our club back. Of […]
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“I’d rather go to a Russian prostitute than an English one”
Last year was one of the worst seasons in recent history for our club. But going into Saturday’s game away at Chesham, we were undefeated in 2015 and were yet to concede a goal. Well, we played one game and drew it 0-0. But with the recent removal of Hereford’s results, it became official that […]
