• “Enough about bloody stickers”

    It was the Mother’s birthday this weekend, so I went all out and treated her, by buggering off down the Avenue, spending a fortune in the local drinking establishments and waking up on the floor of Steve’s bedroom. Happy birthday Mum! We don’t tend to bother about writing about home games here at The…

  • “I bet your twitter feed is on fire, number six”

    Charles Dickens once wrote “If anyone were to ask me what in my opinion was the dullest and most stupid spot on the face of the Earth, I should decidedly say Chelmsford.“ From that, we can logically deduce that ‘Dicko’ (as he was known to his mates) was in fact a Magpie. Sick as…

  • “That’s the worst attempt at control I’ve seen since the stewarding at Hillsborough”

    Well, it was quite a day. Recent results and performances had seen a strange feeling known as optimism creep into our thinking. Combine that with cheap train tickets from Dorchester South and the importance of the game, the numbers of travelling fans had swelled to a recent high of ten! Two new faces joined…

  • “Are you cold or have you contracted parkinson’s in the last five minutes?”

    It had felt like a lifetime ago (1 month) since I’d last witnessed a Magpies game, or any football match for that matter. So naturally, when I saw the tweet from Eastbourne Borough, saying the game had passed a pitch inspection, coupled with our *ahem* excellent fortunes on the pitch we were buzzing for…

  • “The Walsall Sleeper?! That sounds like Kamasutra!”

    The best laid plans of mice and men often go awry, but seldom do they include waking up in a Premier Inn in fucking Fleet of all places. Fortunately for this weekend, no plans had been laid. Given the weather at present, none of us had even considered the possibility of the match being…

  • “Bunch of pricks”

    Like Eastleigh fans signing about Yaya and Kolo Toure on Boxing Day, or the strangely resilient appeal of Dave Allen, Weston-Super-Mare AFC is one of the enduring perplexities of modern non-league football. On the face of things they are a club whose ground only Poole could ever be envious of, and whose wage bill…

  • What do you do when you live in one of the best cities in the world and have a free weekend before Christmas? Go to the theatre? Go shopping on the world famous Oxford Street? No. You go to the pub with other non-league losers and get absolutely cunted. 

  • “There was a shit on the toilet floor. That’s my type of anarchy”

    They say that moving house is one of the most stressful things you can do. So in a week in which I have moved both house and job, I was left a little stressed at times, and asking all the usual questions. What if I don’t like the area? What if I don’t like…